I imagine yelling that title in a Dr. Phil voice, you all know what I’m talking about right, ha ha! This subject has been big on my mind lately, it comes up a lot in my own personal growth journey, with friends and family, and in a world of social media and people posting about their lives, it’s inevitable! And I am just as guilty as everyone else on this subject, so I am NOT judging anyone for falling into this trap!
Do you ever go on FB, Instagram, Twitter and see everyone else’s perfect lives, perfect children, perfect relationships and that evil green monster just grabs a hold of you with a death grip and shoots you into misery? Why do we do this to ourselves? Because we are human, and being human means we are flawed. It’s so very interesting though, that the people that have these “perfect” lives, inevitably end up posting about their divorce, or their nervous breakdowns, or just disappear completely from the internet world because they couldn’t keep up the facade of their perfect little life. Because it’s all bullshit for the most part! They are painting this made up life of only the good parts so that other people won’t judge them or find out their short comings! So it’s so important to NOT COMPARE! You aren’t seeing their struggles or failures, you are seeing the highlight reel of the good stuff.
I made it a priority a few years ago to be as real as I can. Yes, I am an optimist and I try and share positive, uplifting things on my social media, because it is one of my passions in life to uplift and help others. But you will also see my failures, my lessons from those failures, my journey with mental health, my frustrations with motherhood, marriage, and other relationships, and my sense of humor that can be very inappropriate at times. I do have to be careful, because I run a business that depends a lot on my social media, but I also hold my genuineness bar (making up words I think) pretty damn high when it comes to what I share with others. I find that being authentic has helped me with my business and creating meaningful relationships through the online world.
If you are human and find yourself cruising FB and getting upset because you think your life isn’t as amazing as your “friends”, please JUST STOP! I guarantee that you are doing the best you can. And if you aren’t? Get off social media and do something about it! Comparison is the thief of joy and if you are constantly stalking everyone else and getting depressed that you don’t have a perfect life, guess who that is on? YOU! The only person you should be comparing yourself to, is the YOU of yesterday. Be a little bit better than you were the day before, every single day!
I recently had the pleasure of seeing the Rachel Hollis documentary, Made For More, and she speaks a lot on this subject. BTW, if you haven’t read her book, Girl Wash Your Face, click here and get it NOW, because EVERY woman on this planet needs to read it! Her quotes on happiness really speak to me, because for so long I thought that if I just could find the right job, or lose the right amount of weight, or look a certain way, then I would be happy. She says, “You must choose to be happy, grateful, and fulfilled. If you make that choice every single day, regardless of where you are or what’s happening, you will be happy.”, and “You, and only you, are ultimately responsible for who you become and how happy you are.” Wait…what? You mean all these outside things that I constantly worry about or all these people that I compare myself to aren’t going to help with my happy? NOPE! NOT GONNA HAPPEN!
And I’m not saying that choosing to be happy will cure something like depression or anxiety…I struggle with those things and I still have bad days, sometimes bad weeks. But in order to get out of my slumps, I have to CHOOSE to use my tools and do the work that I now know how to do. I used to keep it all in until I inevitably blew up in chaos and emotion and dumped it all on my friends or my husband. Now I have much better tools and one of those tools is being a little bit better than my yesterday self every day. It’s also learning from failure. I used to be paralyzed with the fear of failure. So much so that I wouldn’t try anything. Which made me even more miserable. And I am still scared most of the time, but I also know that when I put myself out there, whether I win or lose, I am going to learn and I am going to be better than I was yesterday.
If you know me, you know that I am truly a cheerleader for others. I want people to succeed, I want them to find their best selves, I want them to LIVE their lives to the fullest. And laying down some tough love is part of that. In no way do I want to hurt someone by pointing out these things, because I am human and I do these exact things all the time! The difference is, I recognize the minute I am doing it now, and I change my thoughts and start doing work on myself. Does that make me better somehow? Of course not! That is not what I am trying to do. I am trying to get the point across that you are in charge of you, your life, and your happiness! No one else can do it for you. You don’t get to blame your past anymore, you don’t get to blame the other people in your life, and you don’t get to complain to me or complain to the world on FB unless you are actively doing something about it. Learn from the past, accept the past, forgive yourself and others for what may have happened, and move towards your best self, your best life. Because it is there, just waiting for you to snap the fuck out of the hamster wheel of jealousy, negativity and blame. And when it finally clicks, buckle the fuck up and keep riding the shit out of that wave, because it is going to be amazing! We are ALL capable of living our best lives, whatever that looks like for you! So stop comparing, embrace being honest with yourself, smack yourself on the ass and giddy up (did I just write that? Yes I did.)
And I will be here, cheering you on, because that is what I love to do. I love seeing people go for it, seeing people push themselves, seeing people tell that stupid bitch in the attic that says you aren’t good enough to shut the hell up, and to start the journey they were meant to be on! YOU GOT THIS! You were meant for more, and it’s time to discover what that looks like!
Life After Loss: Finding Me Again 