For the last 5 years or so, I have thought about starting my own blog. I love writing, always have, but would I have anything interesting to say? Would anyone even want to read it, except my supportive friends and family who read it out of pity? This last year has been a year of discovery, a year of exploration, and a year of getting out of my comfort zone, so I think it is finally the time!
About a year ago, maybe a little more, I was pretty disheartened with myself. I had been working my at home business for about 4 years, it hadn’t really gone anywhere despite a lot of work and time away from my family. I still absolutely loved the company and the products, but I was discouraged and a little pissed off that it wasn’t happening for me. And pissed off at myself because I knew that I was the problem. Everyone who was successful in the business seemed to have a defining moment, when things clicked. For some, it was right away, and for others it was not. I was in the latter category, and it still had not happened for me. I decided that I needed to do something different, put myself out there a bit, see if it helped, or maybe it was time to come to terms and give it up. So here’s a little bit about my back story and what I have done this last year.
If you know me personally, or even through social media, you would think of me as a pretty outgoing person who loves people. But, that is if you know me. Put me in a room with people I don’t know, and I throw on my nervous laughter, find the nearest corner, and try to blend into the wall so no one notices me. Growing up and even in the beginning of my relationship with my husband, I couldn’t even order a pizza over the phone because I was petrified of talking to someone I didn’t know. Pretty ridiculous right? I am an introvert. I like my alone time. I like to be by myself, with a great book or a good show, snuggled in my bed where no one can bother me! Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy being social with my friends and family, but after a gathering, I would have to recharge my batteries, be with myself and my thoughts. Which is hard to do when you have a 6 and 3 year old who want constant attention.
I have dealt with depression and anxiety since I was a teen. I started having crippling panic attacks in my early twenties, but tried to keep them to myself. I take my anti-depressants and for the most part, I have my depression under control. I haven’t been suicidal since high school, and back then, I’m not sure if I was really serious, or just trying to get attention. But I definitely had those thoughts. I used to see a counselor, but now I go in for monthly energy healing sessions and life coaching I guess you could call it. My healer is amazing and I have worked with her for 3 years. But this last year I committed to regular monthly sessions, which really helped me work through things and make sense of my brain chatter.
Life in general was pretty good, but I wanted it to be awesome. I wanted to make a difference somehow, or at least work towards that goal. I wanted to be more present with my kids and do more activities with them that didn’t involve phones or screens. And I really wanted to contribute to my household financially. I look at how hard my husband works and I am so thankful. I want to be able to take him on vacation and eventually retire him so he can do the things he loves, like building computers and creating awesome projects for our home and family. He has an amazing mechanically creative brain that just blows my mind. And yes, I know that I am taking care of our household and our children and that’s a huge job in itself, but I wanted to be able to take some of the burden from my best friend who has always taken care of us so well.
In February of last year, a Facebook friend messaged me and let me know that she was starting a new chapter of a women’s connection group where we had met the year prior. This group was amazing, but I couldn’t go to the Reno chapter meetings because of my schedule, and she was starting a group in Sparks, NV which would work with my calendar. I was IN! This was a start! This is something that I could implement in my life that would get me out of my comfort zone and out of my rut in my own business! I was so excited! This started my year of self transformation, my year of yes. I said yes to this group, said yes to being on the leadership team of this group, and said yes to setting up a ton of connections with a bunch of women that I did not know! Holy Crap! What was I doing?
But in the end, it was exactly what I needed. Every month I met with this group of women, with other guests, and with our monthly speaker and I put myself out there to people I didn’t know. I stood up every month and gave my 1 minute intro about who I was (which made me want to barf and I couldn’t stop shaking), and each time it got easier. I connected with women all across the country through online conference and phone calls. I got to talk about why I love my business and why I had a passion for it, which in turn made me remember my passion for it. We weren’t shoving our businesses down each other’s throats, which was refreshing. We were genuinely getting to know each other, which in turn, created a few business relationships, because women do business with people they like, know and trust.
In my personal life, I was doing more with my boys. We were turning off the computers and TV’s, going to parks, taking walks, enjoying each other’s company. It really is amazing to get to know your little kids; they are lights on this earth, and they just make your day so bright if you let them. We took our yearly Vegas Vacation, but went to our family cabin in Utah first. We stopped at different places on our drive, taking pictures, learning about new places. Instead of holing up in my room with a book like I usually do, I participated. I said yes, even when I really didn’t feel like it. I hiked, I 4 wheeled on the quads, hell I even did my first zip line! I will cherish those memories forever, because I had so much fun with my family. I was involved.
I met a few women through the connection company, and one of them had an amazing idea for a moms group. It would be a group focused on self care for moms. We would have guest speakers/teachers each month and it would be a sacred place for moms to come and take care of themselves, learn about a subject of self care, confide in each other and learn from one another, and just socialize. We put it together and scheduled a launch party. The founder asked me to speak about my journey…wait what? Speak? In front of people? About myself? Of course, I didn’t voice those concerns to her, I happily accepted like I did this all the time! The night came around, and although we didn’t have a big turn out, I was so nervous. But I got up there and shakily spoke my truth. I brought one of my friends to tears who didn’t know much about my fears and my journey before she knew me. The others gave me great feedback and said they were inspired! Inspired? By me? WOW! That felt amazing!
Over this year I have grown so much and found a confidence deep inside me that I never knew I could have. Other people had always told me that I could do great things, but I didn’t believe them, because I didn’t believe in myself. But over this year, I am seeing myself in a new light! And it’s pretty amazing when you are radiating this positive energy. All of a sudden, people are noticing. People are talking to you first in crowded situations. People are giving you opportunities. People are asking you what has changed and encouraging you to keep with it. I’m connecting with new people and reconnecting with people that I always wanted to be involved with but didn’t think that as a stay at home mom I could hold my own with them. Because of this newfound sense of self, I am finally growing my business in the way that I want to grow it. I know that I can now lead a team of rock stars and show them how to lead others, creating a domino effect of change makers. Most people think my business is just about great products, but it is actually the ultimate platform for personal growth and creating leaders who lead with integrity, who inspire others to become their best selves. It has finally clicked for me, in a way that I was almost ready to give up on.
I know that there will still be ups and downs, hills and valleys, that is life. And I know that I will come up against my fears here and there, because I’m human. But I now feel like I can face life head on, and not shrink into the background. I am good enough, I have something to offer, and I am ready to share with the world!
If you are still reading this, thank you, and I hope that you will continue to join me on this journey. I’m not sure where this blog will go or what it will consist of, but I hope that I can offer some inspiration, some laughter, and maybe a few kick ass recipes for those cooks out there!
With Love and Gratitude,